the power of kindness.

We all have our 'meh' days (as previously stated here in the blog, I guess). It is always hard to deal with sadness, probably because most people feel they have nothing to feel legitimately sad about, or at least that's what they think anyway. And the worst thing about it - it's addictive in the strangest of ways. What scares me most about all of this is how easy it is to be trapped inside your mind when things don't go according to plan. 
Recently, I met with one of my best friends who is now in a dark place, where I also was a few months ago. I hadn't been with her for quite some time and it surprised me to realise that we had an extremely similar way of describing the way we felt. It was heartbreaking. For me, at least. To know that someone is going through the same doubts, the same thoughts, the same feelings of unworthiness and pain. The truth is, I know now that I am better and that I will (hopefully) put it all behind my back. But for a long time all days felt the same. There are days when she doesn't feel like doing nothing but cry. I can relate to that. I was stuck. The more desperate I got, more parts of my life were affected by it. Family, friends, Uni. I was losing the battle big time. Sometimes, I still feel like I am. It took quite some time to start seeing things from a different, even more realistic perspective. There are some things that still hurt and there are days when I really need to be by myself and wallow in a puddle of sadness and tea. But I don't ever want to go back there. I know as much.
From the experience I have gathered over the time, being kind to yourself is one of the few things that can help. It may not increase your happiness levels much, but it can keep your mind away from the abyss. I have a mental "list" of the things that work for me. I gave it to her and she laughed, saying that I had the complete recovery program. 
The "plan" pretty much consists of distracting yourself as much as possible, while pampering a bit. 
  • Watching fantasy movies such as Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit really works for me, because they're not about 'life as we know it' (but I wish I did *sighs*). This includes occasional fangirling over Legolas, Aragorn, Thorin, Ron - did I really need to mention this point? Jane Austen-y movies and series might also work. If you are into fanfiction it might be helpful as well. 
  • Eating your favourite (non-) crappy foods - pizza, Chinese, Indian, popcorn, gummy bears, ice cream or choosing the most healthy alternative option, the most conforting thing ever, "hug-in-a-cup" (tea) are also a mandatory part of the plan. 
  • Ideally, do your nails, have a hot steaming shower and put your favourite body butter on before you snuggle into your fluffy pyjamas and start binge-watching/eating all the things referred to above,
  • If you need an instant uplifter, sometimes I wear red lipstick and pyjamas around the house. It's not that controversial (really). 
Anyone might still feel like crap after all of it, but not total crap. It is pretty basic, I know. But when you're down you have to put in a big effort to do these things. And it feels quite monumental when you do them too. The most ironic thing of all is that you don't feel like being kind to yourself at all. Instead, you tend to beat yourself up over and over again.
I don't know if anyone who ever reads this can relate to this post. But if you do, remember there's only one person in this world who is going to stand up for you no matter what - you. Be kind, even if you don't feel like it. It can go a long way, I promise.

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