belated birthday mini-haul.

It's almost been a month! Here are some presents that I got:

• A Mr. Wonderful cute keyring shared by me and one of my best friends;
• Fangirl, by Rainbow Rowell;
• A mysteriously covered book (1984 by George Orwell) - one of the most original ones I've seen;
• A beautiful set of necklaces from Pull&Bear - no longer available on the website, sorry!

rain.

I just really love slow paced rainy days.

letters to july // 19.

Dear July,

Today I turn 22 years old. I don't particularly enjoy birthdays, as you well know, but for some reason I always have an irksome presentiment that I should like them more than I actually do.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I should have life figured out by now. Although the rational side of me tells me that I am being misled and that not everyone has it all put together, it's a thought I don't seem to be able to shake off. I have been told that most people have a similar reasoning. I remain a sceptic and insecure girl.

Blowing the candles off always feels like a mystic, yet not fully understood ritual. Everyone claps, as if I have in fact achieved something that is not the simple result of being alive.

The truth, July, is that you mark the season in which I spend most of the time reminiscing, ruminating many episodes that have taken place in this not so long life. A month where the days are separated into two categories - before and after the 19th.

And all of this overthinking has brought me to the inevitable conclusion that I need to breathe at a slower pace and take each setback as a lesson and not as an omen of imminent disaster and doom. I am 22 today and I don't have all the answers, nor do I need to. And that's fine, as long as I know what is really important.

So maybe I should actually congratulate myself, July. You have brought me sun, sand, laughter and sun-kissed skin. But you have also brought me wisdom, hope and determination for a bright, happy life. Cheers to us, and may we find each other many times again in the future.

I'm looking forward to it.

// Inspired by Emilia Diana Ruth's "Letters to July". 

London bridge.

Reminiscing back to February (oh, good times), I totally forgot that I hadn't uploaded my favorite pictures of London - quite ironically, these were taken on the last day of our staying. The London Bridge is, by far, the place I love most in London. I think it probably has something to do with The Diary of Bridget Jones and the fabulous "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" sequence. That probably explains why I look so ridiculously happy in the pictures. As you might have noticed, some photos were taken with different camera definitions, hence the super white and light pictures and the dark and slightly grim ones. My apologies.
Everything about this city is so... dreamlike. Ugh, London. You make me want to go back again and again and again.

in belém.

on losing yourself.

More often that not, I bite off more than I can chew. That would be especially true if I were to in fact bite anything. But in my head, I always have a gazillion plans that, 90% of the times, will stay right there - not in the real dimension, that's for sure. I want to do more, be more. And that's great, I guess. Stagnation is not something I appreciate particularly. However, I'm the professional procrastinator. And oh so lazy. Not a good combo, if your brain is always buzzing with ideas and new exciting plans, like mine is. That's why this year I've been trying to do as much as I can, and not back off or leave any plans hanging. So far, I must say I'm quite happy with the way things turned out to be. I got to actively put money aside on a very recently created travel bank, decluttered (or on my way to) my room, and trained my writing and photography on a consistent basis. I even got myself to exercise regularly - which is nothing short of shocking, trust me. All and all, I have been more flexible with the goals I want to achieve, but also more determined. And there's a sort of pride in knowing that I'm actively doing what I can to be the person I want to be - the best of it is, I'm not sabotaging myself.
I don't think I felt any better than this in a long time.

the power of kindness.

We all have our 'meh' days (as previously stated here in the blog, I guess). It is always hard to deal with sadness, probably because most people feel they have nothing to feel legitimately sad about, or at least that's what they think anyway. And the worst thing about it - it's addictive in the strangest of ways. What scares me most about all of this is how easy it is to be trapped inside your mind when things don't go according to plan. 

Recently, I met with one of my best friends who is now in a dark place, where I also was a few months ago. I hadn't been with her for quite some time and it surprised me to realise that we had an extremely similar way of describing the way we felt. It was heartbreaking. For me, at least. To know that someone is going through the same doubts, the same thoughts, the same feelings of unworthiness and pain. The truth is, I know now that I am better and that I will (hopefully) put it all behind my back. But for a long time all days felt the same. There are days when she doesn't feel like doing nothing but cry. I can relate to that. I was stuck. The more desperate I got, more parts of my life were affected by it. Family, friends, Uni. I was losing the battle big time. Sometimes, I still feel like I am. It took quite some time to start seeing things from a different, even more realistic perspective. There are some things that still hurt and there are days when I really need to be by myself and wallow in a puddle of sadness and tea. But I don't ever want to go back there. I know as much.

From the experience I have gathered over the time, being kind to yourself is one of the few things that can help. It may not increase your happiness levels much, but it can keep your mind away from the abyss. I have a mental "list" of the things that work for me. I gave it to her and she laughed, saying that I had the complete recovery program. 

The "plan" pretty much consists of distracting yourself as much as possible, while pampering a bit. 

• Watching fantasy movies such as Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit really works for me, because they're not about 'life as we know it' (but I wish I did *sighs*). This includes occasional fangirling over Legolas, Aragorn, Thorin, Ron - did I really need to mention this point? Jane Austen-y movies and series might also work. If you are into fanfiction it might be helpful as well. 
• Eating your favourite (non-) crappy foods - pizza, Chinese, Indian, popcorn, gummy bears, ice cream or choosing the most healthy alternative option, the most conforting thing ever, "hug-in-a-cup" (tea) are also a mandatory part of the plan. 
• Ideally, do your nails, have a hot steaming shower and put your favourite body butter on before you snuggle into your fluffy pyjamas and start binge-watching/eating all the things referred to above,
• If you need an instant uplifter, sometimes I wear red lipstick and pyjamas around the house. It's not that controversial (really). 

Anyone might still feel like crap after all of it, but not total crap. It is pretty basic, I know. But when you're down you have to put in a big effort to do these things. And it feels quite monumental when you do them too. The most ironic thing of all is that you don't feel like being kind to yourself at all. Instead, you tend to beat yourself up over and over again.

I don't know if anyone who ever reads this can relate to this post. But if you do, remember there's only one person in this world who is going to stand up for you no matter what - you. Be kind, even if you don't feel like it. It can go a long way, I promise.

Because I'm feeling a little french today.

hope.

Some days don't get any better than this.

a hard day's night.

It's that time of the year again. Not yet a month into uni and my weekends are already booked with study programmes and seminar prep. How thrilling. Although I would love to write a piece on how to make use of time more efficiently, I am probably the worst person to do that (see, I'm procrastinating right now - bazinga!). Life doesn't get more exciting than the occasional sushi dinners with friends and being able to read a page or two of the books I'm reading that don't involve medicine. And TV series, or I'm Still A Sane Person. Hopefully, I will update the blog more often in the near future. It's a project that I really cherish and I want to give it proper attention. But in the meanwhile, there you have a few snippets of my life these past weeks. Aside from all the studying, I managed to improve my panini cooking skills greatly. I think it will come in handy - after all, one can not have too many paninis EVER. And how cool is the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album? I have been listening to it non stop this week.

What about you? Have you been terribly lazy like me? If you have any productivity tips you want to share, please do! :)

back to uni.

I think I'm ready for the next school year to start.

For those of you who are also going back to uni/school/work, good luck and have as much fun as possible.

(And happy Autumn!)